Something very serious happened today. At approximately 12.35pm EST, a woman wielding a long sharp object and claiming to be a healthcare professional, attacked me. She stabbed me twice, once in each leg and then forced me to drink a drug cocktail. Before I passed out, I saw my life flash before my eyes... Boobs, nappies, gazing at the ceiling, my wasted potential as a world class blogger - it was all so traumatic.
I came to hours later, not knowing where I was and in a pool of my own vomit and urine. I'm ok now and dealing well with the incident, so please hold back on sending flowers and gifts.
I hope my suffering has helped people be aware of the dangers of medical centres.
Little Ducky all in one suit by Target http://www.target.com.au
Bandages and cotton balls provided by Johnson & Johnson http://www.jnj.com
My poor darling - I bet it hurt your Mum as much as you and I'm sure she was there for you all through your terrible trauma. I hear you have an Auntie there so I'm sure her nursing skills came into play. I will be over to your place tomorrow just to check that you are ok.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your bandaid patches on your legs can be a new fashion statement.. A bit like iphone hip holsters...
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a normal Saturday night for your mother before you born J. Ask her about it some time..
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